Dear Exes,
I’ve been reflecting on the journey that brought me to where I am today, and it’s impossible to do that without thinking of you. Yes, you, the ones who were there through the good, the bad, and everything in between. There’s a lot I could say, but I’ll start with this: thank you.
No, this isn’t a letter soaked in bitterness or regret. It’s not about assigning blame for heartache or going over what went wrong. This is about recognizing that every relationship, especially the ones that end, leaves its mark. And for that, I’m grateful.
It’s easy to think of breakups as failures— I know I used to. They come with that painful sting, the loss, the questions about why it didn’t work out or what we could’ve done differently. But as time passed, I realized that none of those relationships were failures. They were lessons, chapters that helped me grow into the woman I am today. And I think we all share that common experience, don’t we? We’ve all had exes, and we’ve all carried pieces of those relationships forward— for better or worse.
What I’ve learned through you is priceless. You taught me about boundaries, about speaking up for what I need, and about walking away when love becomes more about holding on than lifting each other up. You showed me parts of myself that I hadn’t known existed, both the beautiful and the broken. And in the end, those discoveries, no matter how painful at the time, became the foundation for my healing and growth.
Margaret Wheatley and Myron Mellner-Rogers once said, “What we see is most influenced by who we have decided to be.” That couldn’t be more true. I realize that how I see my past and even my heartache depends on who I’ve chosen to become. Today, I’ve decided to see the challenges as part of the journey that shaped me into a stronger, more self-assured woman. Without those experiences, I wouldn’t have learned the value of “choosing me.” When I heard this quote during a professional work training today, it hit me. I could easily look back at my relationships and focus on the hurt, the betrayal, the disappointments. But instead, I’m choosing to focus on what those experiences taught me. I’m choosing to be positive about moving forward, to embrace the lessons and growth that came from those hard times. It’s a conscious decision to let go of the bitterness and instead carry forward the strength and clarity those moments gave me. Right now, I’m choosing to see everything through the lens of growth and self-love. This mindset is what allows me to look back on my past relationships not with regret, but with gratitude for the woman I’ve become because of them.
For the longest time, I believed love was something to chase after, something to grasp tightly and never let go. But the truth is, love isn’t something you can cling to. Love, real love, doesn’t require me to shrink or fit into a mold. And I wouldn’t have understood that without the experiences I had with you.
If you’re reading this, maybe you’re reflecting on your own journey, too. Maybe you’ve been through heartache or are still healing from it. I get it. We all do. And while those relationships didn’t end up being the forever kind, they were exactly what they needed to be at the time. They helped us grow.
So, here I am— a single woman in her 30s who has learned to love herself in ways I never knew I could. Welcome to my “choosing me” era. It’s a beautiful place to be, one where I’m prioritizing my happiness, my peace, and my growth. And while it took time, I’m at peace with the past. I’m not angry or bitter. I’m thankful. Because without you, I wouldn’t be standing here, stronger and more self-assured than ever before. Each experience, each heartbreak, brought me closer to knowing myself and understanding what I deserve.
For anyone reading this, I hope you see a bit of your own story in these words. We all have exes— those relationships that leave us different than before. And whether those changes feel like scars or battle wounds, they are proof that we’ve lived, we’ve loved, and we’ve grown.
So, thank you to my exes, and to all of us out there navigating love and life. Every chapter, no matter how it ends, brings us closer to becoming who we’re meant to be. And let’s be honest, at this point, the only drama I want in my life is binge-watching a good Netflix series with a glass of wine in hand. Cheers to growth and peace!
With love and reflection,
Kelsey
Here’s to growth, lessons, and moving on. (Yes, that’s from my messy hotel room because, let’s be real, life is a bit like this room sometimes— chaotic.)
P.S.— To everyone who reads this, know that you are worthy of a love that celebrates you for all that you are. But first, make sure that love starts with yourself!
A great read Kelsey!